On DVD + Streaming: Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom Stomps Onto Your (Small) Screen

On DVD: ‘Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom’ Dynomite or Dyno-meh ? 

Three years have passed since the dinos went berserk in Jurassic World. Dinosaur disaster movies have been around since 1993’s Jurassic Park premiered in theatres and have been stomping across cinema screen since then. The newest chapter in the Jurassic Park universe, the Jurassic World trilogy keeps the tradition of goat gobbling T-rexes and security system breaches going. The first Jurassic World wasn’t exactly a rehash of the original Jurassic Park but it stuck to its failed theme park, escaped dinosaurs blueprint.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom picks up after the dust from the  Indominus Rex chaos has long settled. The psycho rampage of Jurassic World’s genetically modified dino hybrid ended with a splash (whale dinosaur, anyone? 😝) and everyone fled to safety. Now the theme park on Isla Nublar sits abandoned with the surviving dinosaurs loose.

Their survival is threatened when breaking news reports the dormant volcano on the island isn’t so dormant after all. With the clock ticking ‘till the volcano erupts and blows the cloned dinosaurs into extinction again the race is on to launch a rescue mission to save the precious prehistoric creations.

The plot hinges on saving Owen's Velocirapter, Blue, and the rest of the dinos. It's not all about the clever girl, though. In the beginning of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom squads of sketchy men infiltrate Isla Nublar and go on dredging up dinosaur bones from the ocean for some mysterious reason that has nothing at all to do with mining dino DNA for some deep, dark, nefarious deeds. *wink* *nudge*

Blue and Owen reunite. . . kinda.

It’s the characters that keep the plot, plasticky and easily puncturable as it is, chugging along. The leads from Jurassic World return, but this time Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) is suddenly dinosaur activist of the year. Swapping her business casual wear and heels for sturdier, more practical, jungle-ready threads Claire instantly looks strikingly different on screen and has a more courageous and defiant personality to match it.

Owen, everyone’s favourite dinosaur trainer and Claire’s Love Interest © is still cocky and charismatic (basically Chris Pratt being Chris Pratt) and now no stranger to using a Bowflex (Avengers: Infinity War, anyone? 🤣) remains one of the best things about this new trilogy. His humor and magnetism are amusing as ever and his #favecharacter status shows no signs of slipping.

OMGS all around with Claire, Franklin and Owen.

Claire and Owen head to the island with some handpicked specialists. 

For “comic relief” (as if CHRIS PRATT wasn’t enough 🙄) there’s a squealing T-Rex fearing IT guy, Franklin (Justice Smith, The Get Down). To keep things from going completely off the rails is edgy, smack-talking Zia (Daniella Pineda, The Detour) a dinosaur veterinarian who’s always busting Franklin’s balls.

Plasticky plot point: Franklin. Umm out of the entire network of dinosaur activists couldn’t Claire pick a dude who was braver? Or not as traumatized by the idea of seeing a dino up close? Why would Franklin freaking agree to fly on a dinky plane to an island entirely populated by dinosaurs including T-Rexes and dozens of other creepy Cretaceous creatures?

New characters off-island are little Maisie Lockwood (Isabella Sermon), the precocious, and brainy kid that seems to have a role in every Jurassic Park film, her posh British nanny Iris (Geraldine Chapman) and Benjamin Lockwood’s (Maisie’s bedridden gramps, and John Hammond’s former theme-park partner) estate manager Eli Mills (Rafe Spall, Roadies) who calls all the shots.

Beat by beat the occasionally regurgitated Jurassic Park storyline chugs on Take Dr. Henry Wu (BD Wong). Wu, the geneticist from before is back to his old bad habits of mashing together the traits and genes of as many dangerous dinosaurs as possible and putting them in one dinosaur. Because that worked so well the first time.

Tropes and formulaic flops continue with obligatory shady Russian dudes, and dozens of nefarious animal or, I should say, dinosaur, traffickers. Mercenaries and thugs, all itching to make big bucks in this prehistoric trade.

It takes us two seconds for us to peg Eli Mills (Rafe Spall, Roadies) as a two-faced backstabbing jerk. So much for being estate manager (et tu Brutus?!). 

On Thursdays we're teddy bear dinosaur doctors.

Like all the other Jurassic Parks movies Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is all about action and adventure. Enter a string of predictable scenes where “near death” escapades doesn’t mean near death at all.‘Cuz let's be real. Owen and Claire aren’t dying anytime soon. Zia is too new to care about and IDGAF about whiny and weepy Franklin.

One of the biggest disappointments is how Jeff Goldblum as iconic Ian Malcolm only gets a handful of lines. His role in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom was teasingly held above us and enticed us to go to theatres. But Ian’s scene is skimpy scraps-- in a courtroom, he says what we’re all thinking: let the Isla Nublar dinosaurs die to fix the balance and correct creator John Hammond’s (Richard Attenborough) disastrous cloning idea. Hammond effed up on a global level by playing with dino DNA and this is a chance to put things right. Obvi.

The other massive disappointment and blunder in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is the ending. It’s abrupt, unrealistic, and screams of shock value. The ending is not only frustrating but unsurprisingly it’s also a cheap and shameless lure to get us to watch the next Jurassic World.

Despite its flaws, the action thrills, beloved characters, and pure entertainment value can’t be denied. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is escapist, sensational entertainment and doesn’t need us to do a whole lot of thinking. Sometimes we need these movies, the ones that just let loose and let it rip, going ham with stampeding dinosaurs and sci-fi shenanigans.

Claire and Owen connect with Maisie.

Photos from IMDB

Gifs from GIPHY