Game of Thrones S7 Ep3 Recap & Reactions

More Death & Defeat in "The Queen’s Justice"

The good news, it’s Harry Potter’s birthday! The bad news? Game of Thrones Season 7 continues to stampede on with bloodshed, battles and depressing AF deaths and defeats.

Urine Euron Greyjoy prances along the streets of King’s Landing dragging a bludgeoned Yara and bruised and battered Ellaria Sand and her daughter Tyene behind him. The Sand Snakes are no more after Euron released the Kraken (and his Iron Fleet) on the Targaryen-allied Greyjoy ships in last week’s episode.   Cersei is riding high on her power trip and while she’s impressed at how Euron delivered on his promise she doesn’t even bat an eye at Euron’s horn dog desires to get jiggy with her. She’s got a new ally, check, and she’s got her twincest ‘ship back, check, and she gets to dish out revenge on Ellaria, check. Despite mocking poison as a “woman’s weapon” back in season 1, Cersei takes The Long Farewell-- smooching Tyene with the same poison that Ellaria used to kill Myrcella in season 6. Chained up in the dungeon below the Red Keep, Cersei smugly tells Ellaria her fate: to watch her beautiful daughter die a slow, painful, death and then to watch her beautiful body decay and rot. Death is too good and too easy for Ellaria. Cersei wants her to burn.

And speaking of burning, Jon Snow finally comes face to face with not only Daenerys but has a close encounter with her three prized dragons swooping overhead. After Missandei fires off each of Dany’s illustrious titles, Jon looks on politely but entirely unimpressed. Ser Davos steps up next, as Hand to Jon’s King in the North and unflustered and casual as always, says just that. Jon Snow. King in the North. I kind of really love Davos and am so stoked that he’s such a major part of Thrones. Even when he was working alongside Stannis Baratheon he was kind of amazing and proved himself to be honorable, resourceful and clever, even if not in the most traditional sense of the word. He’s proving himself to be more diplomatic than ever, which actually connects us to Mister Diplomacy himself, Tyrion. He’s reunited with his old friend, The Bastard of Winterfell, and diffuses the tension like a boss. Best. Lannister. Ever. Hell, best advisor ever. Game of Thrones is also known as A Song of Ice and Fire and right now Tyrion’s game is getting Jon and Dany to put their heads together, join forces and knock Cersei off the Iron Throne.

Welllllllll the thing is, Jon still has reservations about bending the knee to a woman he barely knows, especially because the ENTIRE North is depending on him, annnd as he continues to warn, there’s an even greater enemy headed their way: the Night King and his hoard of White Walkers. Dany doesn’t exactly buy into Jon’s zombie fears, but because of some gentle prodding and encouragement from Tyrion, she allows Jon to mine for Dragonglass in Dragonstone to forge into weapons to slay the Walkers. Hey it’s a start! And Jon and Davos’s temporary captivity on Dragonstone is going to give Jon a chance to get to know the real Dany and to realize what a BAMF she is. Can. Not. Wait.

Back in Oldtown Samwell Tarley finished chiseling off every last inch of Greyscale rot on Jorah Mormont. His bloody disgusting and dangerous attempt at eviscerating Jorah’s infection is a win. Jorah’s left pink and scabbed and raw, but totally cured. No more is he on the way to becoming a Stone Man. Nope, he’s free to leave the quarantined quarters and where else is he headed but back to seek out his Khaleesi, naturally. Ser Friendzone is back in the game, baby. The ArchMaester, Ambrose unsurprisingly is pissed that Sam totally ignored his command to just let Jorah die. Buuuuut he acknowledges that what Sam did is nothing to sneeze at. You go Tarley! Instead of kicking his butt out of the academy, he gives him a little tut-tut about breaking the rules, tells him not to step out of line again, and then assigns Sam to scribe duty. Copying down the contents of disintegrating scrolls onto new parchment is a huge step above the shit and vomit duty Sam was on before. Sam my man, you’re moving up in the world.

After jumping ship at the end of last week’s episode (literally) a waterlogged Theon is yanked up aboard an a friendly Greyjoy ship, and he flops on deck reporting that Yara’s been taken captive and Euron whooped their sorry asses. He’s also sorry not sorry about fleeing from the fight, but I’m still giving him the benefit of the doubt that Yara urged him to do just that and this is all part of a larger plan.

The sea defeat isn’t Dany’s only loss. Her Unsullied storm Casterly Rock and cut down all of the Lannister Soldiers in it, seizing it for themselves. Only to not realize that Jamie emptied all the foodstores out and was prepared for forces to try to take it. Now the issue will be KEEPING Casterly Rock. Something that sounds more and more unlikely by the minute, especially considering the Lannister army is still gigantic. Meanwhile at the same moment farther South, Jamie is leading his troops to march on Highgarden. The entire Tyrell troops are decimated by the Kingslayer and Lady Olenna, the Queen of Thorns, goes to her death with her signature dignity and strength. Once she’s certain she’s not about to suffer - Jamie pours poison in her wine goblet that will quietly kill her - she delivers one final f*ck you blow by admitting she was one responsible for killing Joffrey during the wedding feast--hers was the hand that dealt him the poison, and she tells Jamie she wants Cersei to know that. Damn. Once again I’m impressed with what a tough cookie Olenna is. And full disclosure, I’m super devastated the Tyrells are all wiped out. Why man, why. I’m still not over Margaery and Loras.

Back at Winterfell, who rides up to the gate by Bran! In his sled! He and Sansa have a tearful embrace and then the two of them settle down in the Godswood. Leaning up against the Weirwood tree with his crippled legs stretched out before him, Bran and Sansa have a heart to heart. He reveals to her his biggest claim to fame yet: “I am the three-eyed raven.”

Sansa is more than a little puzzled and doesn’t really understand the gravity of that. Instead of exchanging y’know, the typical greetings between brother and sister after they’ve been separated for years unsure if the other was alive or dead, she’s now trying to process what the hell a three eyed raven is. Bran, showing off his knowledge about seeing everything, mentions that on a snowy day just like this one, he saw Sansa in her white gown. Brother-sister-bonding-moment crashes and burns, as Sansa gets up and excuses herself. Wow, Bran, way to bring up the worst night of Sansa’s life. To say I was shaking my head at his lack of tact is an understatement. Dude. Sensitivity training. You need it.

Arya didn’t make an appearance this go around which is unfortunate because she’s been slaying and totally beast (as always) and I can only fervently pray that she WRECKS Cersei. And soon. Cersei has been winning far far far too much over these past two episodes. She needs some cold, hard, undiluted Stark revenge to cut her down to size. Cersei your days are numbered, wench. Winter’s already here, and Ayra is coming for you.

images from imdb.