Trespassers Will Be Put To Work in Series’ finale The Miserable Mill

Sir (Don Johnson) gives Violet the grand tour-- wood, wood, more wood.

The Miserable Mill Recap & Review *SPOILERS*

 

The opening jingle teases this episode in the best way possible:

The eye doctor is sinister/ The owner is a jerk

They end up in a fiendish plot with logs and hypnotism

But can we, as the lyrics plead time and time again, look away?

Not a chance!

The days of being in the care of a guardian are gone for Sunny, Violet, and Klaus once they step foot onto Lucky Smells Lumbermill property. The massive industrial complex plunked in the middle of a the charred remains of a once heavily forested Paltryville is run by a cigar chomping owner named “Sir” (Don Johnson), who’s a cross between Mr. Monopoly and Colonel Sanders.

As the newest employees (er...the trespassers, who’ve been put to work.) it’s not long before the trio comes under fire. The name “Baudelaire” is a taboo one that’s scorned by every man, woman, and child in Paltryville because their parents (allegedly)  burned down the town. Needless to say, Sir doesn’t bat an eye when he hears Mom and Pop Baudelaire perished in a fire of their own, instead utters something more along the lines of “justice!”

Instantly, Sunny, Klaus and Violet see how miserable the mill is. Staffed by lackluster and bellyaching employees clad in dull, brown, prison issue jumpsuits the workers go about their drudgeries and duties with more than a little chip on their shoulders. After all, these grown adults and senior citizens are “paid” in sticks of gum and coupons. On their first night in the barren barracks cluttered with bunk beds and crude wooden tables and feebly flickering candles, Violet and Klaus come to realize their prospects are bleaker than ever. For the first time brother and sister don’t see “eye to eye”, when Klaus urges Violet to skedaddle out of the heavily fortified factory. Instead, Violet can’t seem to ditch her sudden Sherlock Holmes determination to investigate why their parents had their sights set on torching the town --IF they actually did that at all. 

Charles at yer service guv'nor.

It’s here in the workers dorm where the orphans meet Phil (Chris Gauthier) , a chronic optimist and all around good guy.  To give you a sense of Phil’s character, when a voice barks over the intercom “Lights out!”, and Klaus, blinking in disbelief notices it’s just 6 p.m. Phil breaks into a grin and gleefully says, “Oh boy! More time for dreaming!” Phil is a lovable doofus that’s much like Justice Strauss in ‘The Bad Beginning’ clueless, but oh so charming and laugh-out-loud hilarious.

An even more useless adult is Sir’s pushover Aussie partner, Charles (Rhys Darby). We learn that partner is not ‘’mutually exclusive’’ (as Klaus quips twice during these episodes), with being an equal. Charles is a boot-licking eager-to-please underling with a sunny disposition that just doesn’t quit. He’s forced to bicycle Sir, and at one point Sir’s guests, Shirley and Dr. Orwell all around in a rickshaw. That is, when he’s not cooking Sir omelets or other delish breakfast foods.

There are a couple more new characters introduced in this installment. Foreman Flacutono, a new employee of the mill assumes his role as head foreman the day after the Baudelaire’s arrive. Suspicious indeed. With his big, honking gas mask strapped onto his face the mystery man barks orders left and right. He divides his time between making snarky remarks and clanging together pots over the screechy loud speakers. His identity doesn’t stay a mystery for long. The telltale wobble to his arms indicate that he’s none other than the hook-handed man (Usman Ally)-- this time getting his fifteen minutes in Olaf’s scheme. Especially savvy viewers will recognize his name from the opening credits, where it’s underlined in black pen by the hand of Lemony Snicket.

The fashion forward good doctor (Catherine O'Hara) and her +1

The second new face is Dr. Georgina Orwell, a scheming Optometrist who formerly dated Count Olaf. (And, a name that’s a nod to classic science fiction author George Orwell of 1984 fame). She resides in a towering glass eye shaped building plunked in the middle of the Lucky Smells complex. The two reunite at Lucky Smells and concoct another wicked way to take the Baudelaire’s fortune. The criminal Count has a history of hatching schemes that are more half-baked than anything. That’s why this time he recruits Orwell’s bespectacled bad self to put some hurt on the brats. Catherine O’Hara’s Dr. Orwell has a real knack for getting into her patients heads. This lady single-handedly hypnotized all of Paltryville after all, and the smug self-assuredness and bravado of her character doesn’t let us forget that for one minute. This time, Olaf assumes the guise of Dr. Orwell’s new secretary Shirley. With a Barbie pink ensemble and feisty leopard print skirt suit and a blond curled wig Olaf (Neil Patrick Harris) adds drag show diva to his acting repertoire. Acting out the schtick of a woman (“of a certain age” *snort*)  desperate to do some mothering he pleas to Sir for the chance to adopt the trio. Sir comes to an agreement that the moment one of the kids has an accident, they’ll be fired and Shirley can have them. As Gru says in “Despicable Me”, “light bulb!” Shirley and Orwell share a knowing glance. It’s about to go down.

Come here, my pretty!

After Foreman Flacutono crushes Klaus’s glasses, a routine appointment with Dr. Orwell doesn’t so much as replace Klaus’s broken frames as it does rewire his mind, hijacks his self-will and turns him into the perfect little worker bee. A lucky boy who spends far too much time one-handedly dangling Sunny under his arm while tossing lumber into the wood chipper machine and grinding the logs with heavy duty buzz saws. He turns more than a few heads with his reckless behavior. Violet is keen enough to realize her little bro isn’t all there, and something most definitely sketchy went down in the eye-shaped Optometry office. With Klaus out of commision, Violet hits the books at the mill’s library to find a way out of this madness and get some answers. Each shelf in the library is filled with volumes of The History of Lucky Smells Lumbermill. The chapter about the Paltryville’s burning is censored out of each volume with a heavy-hand and Violet turns up little to no leads. If anything, she could’ve  taken one of these massive books and turned it on Olaf (er...Shirley) she’d have clobbered him into a coma in no time! But the girl’s got too much honor to resort to cheap tricks, and instead gets in touch with her inner-Klaus (and uses a certain book, “Verified Functional Dictionary” or, the VFD)  to crack the code.  

 

Dunks and Izzy, yup, they've got nothing.

There are more than a few big reveals in The Miserable Mill. The biggest bombshell of the bunch comes at the conclusion of the episode where we find out who Mother and Father are after all. My close girl friend and long time movie/tv buddy Sid  and I toyed with the theory that Mother (Cobie Smulders) and Father’s (Will Arnett) arc was actually a flashback and when they did get back to their children, we’d see them right before they went up in flames. Instead, and I’m sassing myself for being such a derp and not entertaining the idea sooner, they’re a entirely different set of ‘rents!

I was genuinely shocked and thrown off guard to see they were the Quagmire triplets parents after all! Much like Klaus, Sunny and Violet, it’s fair to say that the Quagmires know nil, zip, and nada about their parents espionage activities and their action-packed double-life with whatever VFD is. They are also destined to become three of the Baudelaire’s staunchest allies. Or are they? The final few minutes of the Miserable Mill finale leaves us at the next Baudelaire stomping ground-- Book 5: The Austere Academy. It’s at this prep school where Sunny, Violet and Klaus meet the Quagmires. We’re teased with seeing Isadora (Avi Lake) and Duncan (Dylan Kingwell) sit on the opposite side of the bench the Baudelaire’s are on, examining their own unusual spyglass inheritance, one that is a mirror image of Klaus’s. 

 

Gosh kids. Stop being so introverted in your academy blazers!

This closing chapter caps off Netflix’s pilot season of “A Series of Unfortunate Events”. It’s been a solid first season, with more “dreadful” misadventures to come in Season 2 which has officially been greenlit by Netflix! Hooray! The loose ends have been tied up for the most part, but a larger mystery looms above us, and the story is far more detailed and complicated than we’ve thus seen. In these eight episodes foreshadowing abounds, and a balance has been masterfully struck between what knowledge is revealed to us as we watch, and the new clues that leave our heads buzzing with more questions. Fan theories are sure to run the gamut and are bound to be pinging up like crazy on many of the social media platforms--something that’s undoubtedly inspired by the especially interactive nature of “A Series of Unfortunate Events”. With a diverse reimagining of many of the characters,  knock-out performance from Neil Patrick Harris, a darkly, hilarious and offbeat script, and a promising trio of young new actors, this beginning of the Baudelaire chronicles was anything but bad. Don't let this gem sit unwatched in your Netflix to-watch queue. Fire up “A Series of Unfortunate Events”  PRONTO. 

Photos from the IMDB

Photos of the Quagmires from Inverse.com